It occurred to me the other day just how much I’ve learned from this whole motherhood thing. I thought I’d share 11 or so insights with you:
1. I’ve learned how sleep with my eyes open while pumping and/or nursing.
2. I’ve learned how to catch projectile spit up in mid-air before it can land on me.
3. I’ve learned how to sport fabulous leisure wear from target for eight weeks straight.
4. I’ve learned how to trust my husband not to drop, burn, smother or drown my baby.
5. I’ve learned how to clean up a mean case of sh*tback in under 3 minutes.
6. I’ve learned that there’s a special place in hell reserved for whomever made up the blatant lie that you will lose all of your baby weight from breastfeeding.
7. I’ve learned how to power through a surprise case of mastitis. (Mastitis. The very word sounds grotesque.)
8. I’ve learned that driving in the car with absolutely no radio or music- in complete silence- can be a beautiful thing.
9. I’ve learned how to ignore nauseatingly fit/thin women at the gym as I suffer through boot camp-esque classes.
10. I’ve learned that my child will not wind up in therapy as a result of my less- than-stellar scrapbooking skills.
11. Most importantly, I’ve learned that a whole new level of love exists that I wasn’t previously aware of…